In April, 2016, I wrote, “My theory returns that ultimately we are all alone. It's not reasonable to expect someone to save you. Everyone is already trying to save themselves. No one is coming to my rescue. That's just how it works.
What does it take to have someone cradle you in their arms for hours and let you sob because nothing makes sense? There's no formula to achieve this. We all want to be loved. But it won't happen because people help when it's convenient for them. It won't happen because it's not realistic to expect that from someone.”
What does it take to have someone cradle you in their arms for hours and let you sob because nothing makes sense? There's no formula to achieve this. We all want to be loved. But it won't happen because people help when it's convenient for them. It won't happen because it's not realistic to expect that from someone.”
I can see where I was coming from. But my mindset is so different now. I can see what a difference we can make for someone else, whether in the moment or years later.
Looking back, I think I must have had some level of depression. I was functional enough to work but I counted down the days. I remember longing to be able to just sleep. I remember the split second of forgetting my mental state when I’d wake up, only for it to come rushing back. I cried a lot. I always wanted junk, comfort food. It’d give me something to look forward to.
When I compare this to how I’ve felt for the past few years (!), it’s night and day. Sure, OCD is still with me but it’s manageable. My mood is good. I love my new job so much. I pour my heart and soul into it. I get excited for night to be over with to start my day.
I have acquired so many coping tools that I’m continually applying. Reading back through my blog entries inspired me to reflect on the here and now. So here I am, now. :)
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