Walking in the Shoes of OCD

This morning I felt completely defeated. This evening I drove alone for the first time in over 6 months.  Nice little juxtaposition to wrap up the day.  The intention to drive was there pre-trigger. After all, the faceless passenger had just been created. And, notably, this morning's trigger had nothing to do with driving.  I used the morning's heartache to ensure I committed to getting behind that wheel.  If I was going to be sobbing and checking and hiding and ruminating, I would get behind that wheel.  I'm reminded that driving is not the enemy. OCD is the enemy.  And while I've learned the content of obsessions doesn't matter, right now, I need to externalize the subtypes I experience. With monsters.  I snapped this photo of my homemade monster after arriving at my destination. Then I upped her evil factor.   Shout out to  Catherine . Meeting Olivia has been helpful.

If I'm going to drive, I'm driving with a monster. I will create a monster. I need a monster if I'm going to start driving again. The monster is with me anyway. She's been my faceless passenger for years, breathing fear into the steering wheel, dread onto the dashboard. Today I have chosen to give her form. Just not a face. She doesn't need a face. Her presence speaks volumes, doubt and dread on overdrive. Her dialogue, relentless: Watch out. There's a person on the sidewalk. What if you hit them? Check and make sure they're still on the sidewalk. Was that them? Was that someone else? What if it was someone running to get help? What if you just hit the pedestrian? You're getting closer to that a car parked on the side of the road. A child could dart out. What if a child darts out and you kill the child? Be careful. Drive slow. Check to make sure you didn't hit a child. Can you be sure? What if you just hit a child? There's an...